Family Reunion
by Land of The Delta Blues
Summary: Jane's family is having a reunion and he convinces Lisbon to pose as his girlfriend. What will Lisbon think of Jane's family including his stepmom who's the same age as Van Pelt? Will Jane and Lisbon fall in love for real? Read to find out.
1. Chapter 1

I got this idea because i'm going to a family reunion tommorrow. Thankfully, my family isn't as chaotic as Jane's is in my story.

* * *

Jane groaned as he picked up the envelope out of his mailbox. It was time for the the Jane family reunion that took place every August and he was dreading it. His sisters Elizabeth, Allison and Dana always tormented him about not having a girlfriend as did his brothers Carmine and Ross.

All his siblings were in a commited relationship, except for Dana, but she was only sixteen, her and Allison both came from his father's third wife, (Jane noted with disgust that his father had recently married wife nummber four who was only twenty six and looked like a asian supermodel. Actually, she was a asian supermodel.) He just couldn't find it in himself to call a woman the same age as Van Pelt his mother. He hadn't attended the reunion last year, using the excuse that he'd just started a new job and his boss who was a tight ass bitch would never let him take any time off (it wasn't a complete lie, he had just started working at the CBI, but the lie part was when he called Lisbon a tight ass bitch, even then he'd felt guilty for that.) However, this year there was no getting out of it, his twin brother Ross wouldn't let him get out of going to years in a row.

In fact just as soon as he got into his house, his phone rang. When he picked it up, it was Ross.

"You got the letter about the family reunion didn't you?"

"Ah, yes," Jane paused to open the envelope "It's to be held at the family home in Philidelphia."

"Correct," Ross said, "You have to come this year. Chloe was so disappointed when you didn't show up last year."

"Who?" Jane asked wondering if Chloe was a little poodle or something, Ross and his wife Janet did have a thing for dogs.

"Chloe, Dad's wife." Ross reminded him, "and Dad wasn't too happy about it either. Your boss will let you take off this year won't she?"

Jane rubbed his temple, "Yes, i'm sure she will. Yes, I can get the days off." However, in his head Jane was picturing himself going into work the next day, and getting down on his knees in front of Lisbon's desk begging her to give him any odd job just so he could say he had to work and therefore couldn't attend the reunion.

"Pat, you still there?" came Ross's voice from the other end of the phone. Then came the worst part "I assume you have a girlfriend that you're going to introduce to us."

Jane was about to tell his brother that he was not seeing anyone when a boldly annoying idea hit him. If he had to go to a family reunion with his chaotic family, he was dragging his boss into it too "Yes, you will meet her in two weeks."

"What's her name?" Ross asked.

"Teresa Lisbon." Jane said, a devilish grin appearing on his face as he spoke.

* * *

What do you think, should I continue, please review and give me your ideas.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day Jane burst into the office with a big grin on his face, as he headed for Lisbon's office, he heard Cho whisper to Rigsby and Van Pelt "Uh oh, he's plotting something and the boss is going to be so pissed."

Jane burst into Lisbon's office without knocking "What?" she snapped without looking up from the papers she was filling out. She was not in a good mood, her dog had thrown up on her when she was eating breakfast and she'd barely had time to take a shower, and now here Jane was already cheery as usual.

"I need your help." he stated.

"What did you do this time?" she groaned.

"Well while we're on the subject of what I did, I put I live bullfrog in Van Pelt's desk, (punctuated by scream from bullpen as Van Pelt discovers frog), but actually I was wondering if you would come to my family reunion with me in two weeks." Jane flashed one of his devilish grins that no woman could say no to.

_"Is that all he wants,"_ Lisbon thought _"This might not be so bad, but why is he asking me?"_ "I'll have to think about it," she huffed.

"I kind of need you not to say no." Jane shifted from one foot to the other.

"And why is that?" she felt suspicious now.

"I told my twin brother Ross, that you were my girlfriend."

This time Lisbon answered by throwing a paperweight shaped like a duck decoy across the room. Jane ducked just in time to avoid being hit and the paperweight smashed into several pieces on the floor. "Damnit Jane, you can't just go around acting like i'm your plaything and you can do whatever you want with me. No I will not go to your stupid family reunion just because of what you did!"

Jane retreated to the bullpen with his head hung low in defeat.

There was no case and everyone just sat around the office doing nothing. Lisbon stayed in her office until it was lunchtime. As she was about to leave to eat lunch at a little diner down the street she heard sobbing. She followed the noise, Jane was in the interrogation room, his head in his hands, crying.

Catiously she opened the door and walked into the room.

Without looking up from where he was, Jane could immediatly tell who had entered the room from the scent and the footsteps. "I'm sorry that I treated you like a plaything, it's just I hate going to family reunions by myself."

Lisbon suddenly felt pity for him, she sat down on the table near where he was seated "I'm sure, it can't be that bad."

"You don't know my family, my father has never cared about his children, he only cares about showing off his slutty girlfriends who just seem to get younger as he gets older, my older brother always flaunts how he's bigger and stronger than anybody else he treats his wife and every other woman he knows like crap! Then there's my sisters, and my twin brother, they're always whining about how I never have any girlfriends to bring with me to the reunion! " Jane was angry, very angry.

Lisbon finally understood why he had wanted her to go with him, and she couldn't blame him. She'd been avoiding family reunions for the past several years because her brothers all blamed her for their mother's death, and she felt in her heart that it was true, if she hadn't been at that underage drinking party that night, her mom never would have had to come and get her and if her mother hadn't been out that night she never would have had that collison with the semi driver who had fell asleep at the wheel. Of course, she wasn't going to worry about herself right now, Jane deserved her attention.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have gotten so mad at you earlier it's just..."

"No, you were right Lisbon, I shouldn't act like you don't have your own needs and wants, I completly understand if you don't want to go."

Lisbon took Jane's chin in her hands forcing him to look at her "Right now, I want to help a friend in need."

* * *

Okay, this chapter was very short, but it was meant to be full of emotions. I have no proof that Lisbon would have a paperweight shaped like a duck decoy, I just happened to look up and see my great uncle's old decoys is and I just decided to use that particular shape. Please review. it will make me want to write more.


	3. Chapter 3

I admit, I got Jane a little out of character the last chapter, but I was stressed, I had to find the perfect song for my L&O:CI video because Youtube blocked my first choice, and so I deleted and reuploaded the whole thing (while trying to get the characters in this fic perfect, and think of it this way, he wasn't really sobbing it was more like in that episode with the physic when she told him his daughter hadn't suffered, like he was crying then)

* * *

The next two weeks had gone pretty smoothly, except for the point where Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt had looked like they were going to faint when Lisbon had announced she was going to a family reunion with Jane and Minelli had looked like he was going to have a heart attack.

It was around midnight on the day before they were to catch the plane to Philidelphia, and Jane had just finished packing when his cellphone rang, caller ID revealed it was Lisbon "Jane, I need help. I don't know what to pack." she whined.

Jane kind of chuckled "Fine, i'll be right over."

Since they had to catch the plane at six in the morning, he decided to put his suitcase in the car.

On the way to Lisbon's house, Jane decided to stop by the twenty four hour supermarket and get some ice cream, he knew that Lisbon's favorite flavor was mint chocolate chip. The girl behind the counter was in her early twenties and she was trying to flirt with him.

"So what are you doing out at this time of night?" she asked.

Jane really didn't want to be flirted with, time for a little white lie "My wife, she's pregnant and she sent me on a late night ice cream run."

The checkout girl who's nametag said Felicia looked disapointed and continued to ring up his purchases.

Jane arrived at Lisbon's place twenty minutes later.

"What took you so long?" she grumbled, the house was quiet being that Van Pelt had agreed to watch Lisbon's two golden retreivers, Barney and Velma.

"Relax, my dear I come bearing gifts." he reassured her flashing one of his irresistable charm smiles.

"Well, I need you to help me figure out what to pack first." she kind of grumbled. She didn't want to be grumpy, but the fact that she was going to be meeting Jane's family soon bought back old memories about the family she'd lost long ago.

"Gee, why are you so touchy?" Jane asked.

"I have my reasons," Jane followed her into the bedroom where she had the suitcase laid out open on the bed. She picked up a shirt, "Is this okay?"

"Probably not," Jane looked at the floral top she was holding up, this woman was pitiful when it came to a fashion sense.

He opened up a drawer and rummaged through it for several minutes, throwing shirts onto the bed that would be suitable for the trip.

Lisbon picked up a Journey concert tee shirt that she hadn't worn in several years, that Jane had tossed on the bed "You want me to pack this?"

"Yeah, it's one of your more causual shirts, oh and do you have a swimsuit?"

"What? I thought this was a family reunion?"

"It is , but we have mud volleyball tournaments, that stuff really doesn't come out of your clothes."

"What if I choose not to play mud volleyball?"

"Oh come on Lisbon, lighten up, they're even gonna get Chloe who is Miss Priss to play." Jane chuckled.

"That's your "stepmom" right," Lisbon had been trying to learn the names of Jane's family members for the past two weeks so it could seem like she'd actually took interest in her "boyfriend's" family.

So far she had learned that Jane's father was Antonio, his wife who was a good forty years younger than him was Chloe. Jane's older brother was Carmine, and Carmine's wife was Ari. Everybody knew that Carmine regurally beat Ari and hated women in general, but Ari was too meek to do anything about it (Jane had asked Lisbon to try to help Ari get the courage to fight back). Carmine and Ari had two songs, Ralph and Jordan ages five and three who thankfully took after their mother not their father. Jane's older sister was Elizabeth who was married to Daniel. Elizabeth was a grade school teacher and Daniel was the principal at the school. Elizabeth and Daniel had one daughter , Zoe , who was seventeen and liked to dye her hair bright colors. Jane's twin brother was Ross who was married to Janet. Ross and Janet didn't have any kids, but they had two lassie collies named Jack and Jill. Jane's younger sister was Allison who was married to Kirk. Allison was unemployed and Kirk owned a landscaping business they had triplets Sara, Nikki and Lilian who were seven( and according to Jane the cutest kids ever). The youngest Jane sibling was Dana who seemed depressed and had her hair dyed black.

* * *

Anybody got any ideas on how Lisbon can help Ari toughen up?


	4. Chapter 4

I know you guys really want me to write about the family reunion and I'll get to it soon, I promise just bear with me for one more chapter before the reunion. Also in the part where Jane is analyzing Top Model, I made up the models' names, I also made up the new judge.

* * *

After several hours the plane landed in Philadelphia. The reunion wasn't until the next day, and it was getting towards evening so, they headed to their hotel. Somehow even though Jane had booked two rooms (he was a gentleman after all) there was only one room available in the whole hotel.

"It better have two beds!" Lisbon snapped at Jane as he pulled out the keycard to unlock the door.

As soon as he opened the door, they knew they were out of luck there was only one bed, although it was a nice one being that this was one of the fancier hotels.

Jane tried to be cheery as usual "So what do you think?"

"I think I want to kill you." Lisbon snapped again.

"That's a shame, because I was planning on taking you out to eat, I know a really amazing seafood restaurant that you're going to love." he flashed another one of his grins.

As if on cue, Lisbon's stomach growled and she knew she couldn't be angry at Jane anymore, for once it wasn't his fault.

After they had put their suitcases in the room (they'd unpack later) they headed for the restaurant.

It was a small restaraunt, Jane said he knew the owners Mark and Jennifer Bentlage from his physic days and that he'd bought his wife and daughter there a couple of times.

At first Lisbon thought she should tell Jane to take her somewhere else, but he seemed to be having a good time. At first, she'd been a little annoyed when he even insisted on ordering for her, but the food really was good.

When they got back to the hotel, Lisbon collapsed onto the bed and Jane took the shower without even asking.

Lisbon picked up the TV remote and idly flipped through the channels. There was nothing on so she turned off the TV and fell asleep.

When Jane got out of the shower, he became distinctly aware of Lisbon mumbling, he realized she must be dreaming when he heard her mumble what sounded like "I, I love Patrick, but he doesn't love me back."

Part of Jane wanted to wake Lisbon up and tell her that she was wrong, he did love her, but part of him felt like he was betraying his wife. There was also the problem that he was only wearing a towel, that would slip at the first sign of movement. He was so caught up in thinking about this that he didn't notice that Lisbon was waking up.

The first thing Teresa Lisbon saw when she woke up was Patrick Jane in a towel, or at least he was in a towel until it dropped when he was rummaging around in his suitcase for his pyjamas. She tried to force herself not to stare, but it was impossible, the man was practically a god his whole body was sculpted perfectly.

Jane could feel her eyes boring into the back of his head, actually he was pretty sure she was more interested in his ass than the back of his head. "I can see you're awake."

She blushed when she realised he had discovered that she was staring at his better features.

"See anything you like?" he asked jokingly as he put on his boxer shorts.

"No," she lied, staring at his well muscled legs.

"You're lying" he turned around, a sexy boyish smile playing on his lips.

"You're just being cocky." she snorted trying to hide her blush by burying her head in a pillow.

Jane walked over and pulled the pillow away from her face "You're blushing my dear."

She picked up another pillow and threw it at him.

He dodged the flying pillow "Violence is no way to solve problems. Why don't you try taking a nice lomg shower instead."

Lisbon obeyed and Jane settled down onto the bed and grabbed the remote. He just loved to watch differnt shows and analyze differnt characters reactions.

When Lisbon came out of the shower she found Jane engrossed in a episode of America's Next Top Model.

He turned to her, "this is quite fascinating to watch, for instance it's obvious that Sarah has a gay crush on Tiffy, but Tiffy is straight and is secretly sleeping with the new judge Marcus Carlone."

"Wha-? How can you tell that." Lisbon was shocked.

"Look at how Sarah looks at Tiffy. Also I can tell Tiffy is having a affair with the Marcus Carlone, because they kept looking at eachother throughout the judging and Tiffy is constantly making it through to the next round eventhough her photos are terrible."

Lisbon just shrugged, and began to rifle through her suitcase.

Jane continued to watch Top Model until he heard Lisbon loudly shoot off a string of cuss words.

"What's wrong?"

"I knew I forgot to pack something, I have nothing to sleep in."

Jane turned off the TV and took off his shirt as Lisbon looked at him strangely.

"What are you doing?" she tried not to blush as a million scenarios of what Jane could possibly be doing popped into her head.

"I'm not trying to seduce you, I just thought you could wear my shirt to sleep in."

"I didn't think you were trying to seduce me."

"You're denial intrigues me. Just take the shirt Teresa."

Lisbon blushed at the use of her first name, but took the shirt that Jane tossed at her.

She could feel a million butterflies churning in her stomach at the thought of sharing a bed with a scantily clad Jane while she was wearing his shirt.


	5. Chapter 5

I try to update as much as I can, but it might not be as often as I would like to because I made my school's homecoming play and will need to practice my lines. I think i'm making the family a little too weird, aren't I, wait don't answer that, do you have any other weird habits for the other relatives?

* * *

The next morning, Lisbon woke up to find that she had rolled into Jane's arms sometime during the night. She was surprised that he was actually sleeping and looked content.

Jane woke up a few minutes later, but pretended to be sleeping, he was not excited about seeing his family again. He could tell that Lisbon was making coffee and when he opened his eyes she was running around still wearing his shirt, he thought she looked beautiful.

"So, you ready to meet the monsters."

Lisbon giggled "They're your family."

"Right, don't remind me."

They got dressed in silence. Since the hotel served breakfast they ate there before heading out to the family home.

As soon as the vehicle pulled into the driveway, everybody who was in the yard looked up, as did the sixty million cats who were obviously Chloe's.

Jane got out of the car, and went around to the passenger's side to open the door for Lisbon. She jumped out of the vehicle just as Ross Jane ran up to his twin brother.

"Patrick, i'm so glad you made it!" Ross sounded really excited.

Jane tried to fight his way out of one of Ross's hugs, but was unsuccessful and Lisbon thought he looked panicky about the fact.

Finally Ross let his brother go "and who is this that you bought with you?"

"This is my girlfriend Teresa." Jane introduced Lisbon.

"Oh, nice to meet you." Ross said holding Lisbon's hand for a little too long and a tall woman with red curly hair came up and slapped him.

"Damnit, Ross it's already bad enough how you're ogling Chloe and her fake breasts, can't you at least so some courtesy." the woman snapped. Then proving that she really was a polite person she turned towards Lisbon, "I'm Janet, so sorry about my husband's lack of manners."

Jane whispered "See why I never come to the reunions, it wouldn't suprise me if Ross has already done more than ogle Chloe, him sleeping with Dad's last wife was the cause of divorce."

"So your brother is so much of a dog, that he would even try to seduce a woman in front of her "boyfriend" who happens to be his own brother." Lisbon snorted.

"Looks like i'm going to have to mark my territory a little better." Jane smiled and Lisbon playfully hit him.

"Fine, two can play at that game."


	6. Chapter 6

"I guess you need to meet the rest of my family." Jane said, before taking Lisbon's hand and leading her towards the others.

Everybody was doing various things around the yard. Chloe was painting her toenails blood red at the picnic table, of course this disturbed Jane deeply, but he tried not to let it show.

The rest of the introductions went smoothly, until they came to Carmine who made some snide remark and as a result was immediatly pinned to the ground with Lisbon's foot on his throat while Jane stood by laughing and Ari looked nervous.

As soon as he was up he raced towards Ari, not even caring who saw him beat her.

"Leave her alone!" Jane stepped into the path in front of his raging older brother. The punch to his nose landed hard and blood began to trickle out, but Carmine didn't stop there, he continued to beat Jane until somebody managed to restrain him.

Lisbon immediatly rushed to Jane's side and assesed the damage. "Are you okay?"

"Oww, fine." Jane grabbed his nose as he got up off the ground.

"No, you're not." Lisbon could see a black eye beginning to form.

"I've got a first aid kit," Allison said coming up behind Lisbon, and accidently scaring her.

"Oh thank you. Patrick, you're coming with me!" Lisbon grabbed Jane's hand and began to drag him towards the house.

* * *

Sorry I haven't updated sooner, but the past few weeks I've been wrapped up in working on another story of mine, Tremble For My Beloved, which is for L&O:CI.


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks to an enthusiastic "suggestion" to update from xxxjisbonxxx, we're back!

* * *

Jane protested as Lisbon drug him towards the bathroom. "C'mon Jane, you're hurt, you need medical attention."

"I do not, oww!" he protested as she dabbed a cotton swab at his wound.

Lisbon couldn't help but smile at his immaturity, "C'mon you big baby." she paused before adding, "what you did out there was really brave, standing up to your brother like that."

Ego slightly inflated, Jane was a little more willing to comply with Lisbon. "So you think I'm brave?"

"I think what you did was brave," Lisbon corrected. "Is you family normally this bad?"

"Worse," Jane groaned.

"How can they be worse than this?" she asked sitting down on the side of the tub next to him.

"You'll see," Jane began only to be interrupted by a loud knock at the door.

"Hey! You guys making out in there? Dad wants to see you!" It was Dana.

"Hold on," Jane got up from the side of the tub and helped Lisbon up. "You ready Teresa, my dear?"

From the other side of the door came gagging noises, "You two are disgusting."

They opened the door to a teenaged girl with black hair (dyed of course) and blue eyes rimmed by dark black makeup. Her clothing was simalerly goth. A large fluffy grey cat with one ear torn was rubbing up against her leg. The feline immediately transferred it's rubbing to Lisbon's leg when the door opened.

"I think Lou likes you." the teenager grinned as Lisbon bent down to scratch the cat's ears. "C'mon, lets go see dad."

With that she led Jane and Lisbon through the house, with Lou following behind them.

The old man was sitting in a chair in the living room. "Patty!" he broke into a grin when he saw Jane and Lisbon couldn't help but snicker. "Sit down, both of you."

The pair took the couch and Lou immediately jumped to Lisbon's lap.

"You've done good Patty. She's a stunner." he gave Lisbon the once over and she briefly wondered if all of the Jane men except for Patrick, were male pigs.

"It's a pleasure to meet you sir. Patrick has said so much about you." Lisbon tried to be polite.

Antonio turned to Patrick, "Were'd you meet her?"

He didn't notice the brief look of panic shared between the couple, somehow the truth just didn't seem fitting enough, and Lisbon was sure any Jane man would hate her being a woman in charge. "Patrick came to the art gallery where I was exibiting some of my artwork and we..."

"Had an instant connection." Jane added, now trying not to snicker, he'd seen Lisbon's stick people she called artwork.

"Is being an artist dangerous in California, I saw you take down my son earlier."

Would he see through their lie. "In her free time she volunteers to teach karate to orphans." Jane said the first thing he thought of.

"Yes, orphanages are very dangerouse places, and if they get abusive foster parents they have to protect themselves." Lisbon added, scratching Lou's back.

Just as Antonio looked bored, but Chloe who had just entered the room looked entranced. "That's amazing. So sweet how you help the orphans, you're such a saint."

"Isn't she?" Jane grinned.

* * *

Not that long I know but I wanted to cut off somewhere around this point. Strangely I think the character in this chapter I enjoyed the most was Lou the cat.


	8. Chapter 8

Yes the bagel thing is making fun of models eating habits. I have nothing against models, even have a favorite one,

* * *

"Well, why don't we eat lunch now?" Antonio said.

Chloe looked distressed "I don't know babe, I haven't been able to exercise off that cream cheese bagel from breakfast yet."

"It's okay darling, you don't have to eat anything." Antonio soothed.

"Good, I'll get fat," Chloe pouted.

"Oh brother." Lisbon couldn't help but roll her eyes.

Chloe turned to her, "You don't have to worry about your weight?"

"Nope, my dear Teresa can eat whatever she wants." Jane said proudly.

Even though she wasn't eating, Chloe decided to sit by Jane and Lisbon, making it near impossible for them to drop their cover even for a brief second.

"Ja...I mean Patrick, what are you doing?" Lisbon asked, noticing Jane's hand now laced with her own.

"Shh dear, Chloe's eyeing us." Jane whispered back, not letting go of her hand.

"You two aren't much for public displays of affection are you? This is the first time you've even held hands." Chloe asked.

Suddenly everybody else seemed to notice this.

"Yeah, kiss her!" Ross yelled.

"Now!" Dana and Zoe both added.

Before they could say anything else, Jane grabbed Lisbon by the lapels of her jacket and kissed her thoroughly. Both were shocked by how wonderful the kiss felt.

* * *

Okay, short but how does it work?


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